She makes me one proud mama

She makes me forget sometimes that she's only five
She makes everyone forget sometimes
She's an old soul in a tiny little body

She warms my heart
She is so in tune with the world for a preschooler
The only one in the class to understand the message of "I have a Dream"
Others dream of ice cream and fire trucks
She dreams of a happy and healthy family, peace and love for everyone

She inspires me
She makes me want to do better, to be better...for her. She deserves it
She reminds me of what I've taught her when I need a lesson
She's my very own cheering squad.

She intrigues me
I love watching her brain at work
I love how I can say "yes you can" when she says she can't and "give it a try" and she goes for it
I love it when her eyes brighten when she realizes she really CAN do something.

She amazes me
So independent
So strong willed
Never taking no for an answer
Never the one to be fooled.
Never afraid to fail. Always pushing forward.

She makes me one proud mama.

Farewell, Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou passed away this morning. It was a shock to me...I always thought for some reason that she would live past 100. Eighty-six was too young for a woman with such great presence, power, and knowledge. It saddened my heart to see that she was gone.

She has always been my favorite poet. Her words resonated with me even as a young child. I understood her, I felt the power in what she wrote. I found her admirable and iconic.

Which is why it's no surprise to me why my daughter carries her name. 

Maya Angela, derived from Maya Angelou.

I had hoped that in the next few years after Maya learned to read that we would read Maya Angelou's works together and perhaps even hear her speak one day. But it won't be possible now.

Regardless, her passing has reminded me to teach my daughter the same lessons I learned from the great Maya Angelou. I want her to know why she was named after this woman and what she stands for. I want my daughter to know that I gave her a name that to me - has a meaning of strength, courage, confidence, and perseverance. Those are the characteristics I want to instill within her as she grows into a woman.

It's a tall order for a five year old. But all I can say is...she's definitely living up to it.

So farewell, Maya Angelou. Thank you for giving us words to live by for generations to follow. We will miss you.

Dining out with the kids, trial #001

I don't take my kids out to restaurants. My kids and restaurants don't mix.


When it was just my daughter, Maya, we went out all the time. It was pretty easy.

Happy baby in a restaurant

Keeping busy while mommy plans a party

Until baby number two, Julius, came around. Then mommy had less time for her and Maya had to do something to get mommy's attention. Don't get me wrong, she is the most loving big sister around, but she had to get hers too. That made going out a little challenging. Not only that, but the fact that they love sharing mischief with each other and feed off of each other's energy makes for a disastrous combination when out in public.

We've always done our best to tame our spirited little creatures while dining out. I've read numerous books and blogs about taking kids out to eat, but nothing has really worked...not even bringing an iPad to keep them busy during downtime. We've also always been grateful for our fellow dining patrons who do their best to smile or ignore the cloud of craziness that hover over us wherever we went, but I know how we look and I know what some of them are thinking...and you know too.

So after our final disastrous dinner at a fine dining restaurant while visiting family (too traumatizing to discuss in detail), their dad and I decided that we will just get takeout from now on until they turn 10.

Yesterday, however, I felt adventurous. I was tired of sitting at home, but with no babysitter on a Friday evening I decided to be brave and have a family dinner at The Old Spaghetti Factory.

Why there? Well, because:

- it's less than a mile away

- my kids love pasta

- my co-worker said it's the only place in town she dares to bring her kids because that's where all the families with screaming kids go. 

So why not try it?

As we were driving to the restaurant, I kept envisioning a crowded room full of families with little children, eating, laughing, and screaming. I was positive this was going to be a good experience. When we walk into the place, it is DEAD QUIET! Uh-oh....With only an elderly couple and a group of men in our section, I started to tense up. This isn't how I expected it to be on a Friday night. Where were all the families with the screaming kids we can blend in with?! "Stay positive, Jan. We're already here, we can do this!" I told myself as I breathed deeply into the menu.

We got through ordering our food pretty smoothly. They sat down quietly, took their menus and started coloring. After the waiter delivered our food and left, the next few moments seemed like a blur. Next thing I know Maya is swinging off the table or peeking into the booth next to us asking her brother to join in on the fun, while Julius says"i'm so hungry mommy, feed me!" and "i want my carseat" (he meant his booster) but refuses to eat or sit because he's too busy peeking into the booth next to us and trying to take the picture frame off the wall. How did this happen? Do they have a crazy switch or something? We do well eating at the dinner table at home so why all the commotion here? I tried to take a picture so I can have a souvenir of this comical portrait of our family, but I was too busy making sure our food didn't fall, or our kids didn't fall, or anything else fall. Nothing stopped them. I had brought an arsenal of toys and equipment to keep them busy, i tried to keep them entertained with games and questions and silly songs and stories, but they wanted none of it. They wanted to play with the restaurant.

Finally, as beads of sweat started rolling down my forehead one family came in, then another, and another! After 10 minutes I realized my co-worker was right...this IS where families with screaming kids go. Whew! It looks like we were just a little early for family-with-screaming-kids dinnertime. Too bad we were over the experience and waiting for our check to come.

Overall, it was a great learning experience. Seeing other families just like ours going out to eat made me feel positive we can do this again. It was only our first try, and although it didn't go as well as I had hoped, I'm proud to say i'm not afraid to try again. Way to go Jan! But when that time will come, i'm not so sure yet. When it does, we just have to tweak our approach a little, find the right times and places to go, keep up with our lessons on mannerisms, and hopefully my kids will get used to being out in public (crossing fingers).

If you have any tips and tricks you want to share, please comment below. I would love to hear from you guys.

I just wanted to note here that when I mention "screaming kids" I mean screaming in a playful, childlike manner, when kids are just being kids...enjoying themselves, laughing (sometimes crying because kids cry sometimes) and chattering in their excited little voices.

HELLO WORLD!!!

Hello World!

Hello me, meet the world of blogging.

I'm not very good at writing. In fact, I'm not very good at using words overall...but my mind is full of thoughts swirling around looking for a place to call home. So, why write a blog? I'm not quite sure yet except that it feels like the right thing to do.

I want to get to know myself a little better, rediscover my likes, dreams, and hopes. As a busy and admittedly overwhelmed mother just barely getting through the day...everyday, my life has been full of diaper changes, cleaning up mess with every move I make, and  endless repetitions of cartoon shows and children's songs all day long! No it's not a bad thing. As years pass by those will be the things I look back at and miss, and I totally love giving my whole self to raising and enriching my children's lives. Yet, I can't help but feel like I don't know myself anymore. Somehow along the way, I've forgotten who I was and have no clue as to who I really am now. I keep saying "I used to do this" and "I would love to do that", but that's all I can say for myself. There is nothing that I can state that truly defines who I am and I haven't given myself enough of a chance to do so.

But enough of that! No more excuses. Today is a new start. I'm finally going to stop thinking and start getting my butt moving. I have a lot to learn and long list of goals to work on and I can't do it sprawled on my bed comatose while my kids jump around me (with shoes on) throwing newly folded clothes into the air. I can't be the only mother out there itching to do better, to be better...to discover passion in all facets of life and live to the fullest. I'm not the only one who scribbles a long lists of goals and resolutions on a piece of paper or in my iPhone in hopes that January 1st will bring me luck in fulfilling them. And then suddenly discover this long forgotten list a year or two later realizing that I haven't accomplished anything on that list. It's not a good feeling.

So welcome to my new adventure of self-discovery while sharing what I have to give to the world .....I no longer want to feel dull, lost, and sitting waiting for things to happen. This is my journey to discover who I am and become the woman I want to be. This is my journey to find happiness and give happiness. Won't you join me? Perhaps, you will also find some answers along the way. And together we might help others too. It's a pretty good feeling.